For When You Wonder Why God Allows Suffering And Death

Walking the narrow road can be treacherous at times. We know this starting out, and we press on believing the grace of God will be sufficient for our needs.
Sometimes we wander; we might stumble and fall.
We might find ourselves in a situation like Peter. Having taken a wrong turn on what looks like the right path, we suddenly find ourselves in a thicket. When we realize we've missed the main trail, we have to double back. (Galatians 2:11-13)
Learning to walk with God often brings us through the valley of humiliation. Sometimes we're like David -- we may have rocks thrown at us from a mocker on the hillside. (2 Samuel 16:13) We might have fellow travelers misunderstand and oppose us. (Matthew 16:22-23)
God uses the obstacles and wrong turns to train us, to grow us, to reveal Himself to us, and to make us more like Jesus.
A few days ago, I was sitting with a small group of women. We were discussing the assurance Jesus gives us when we pray in His name. (John 14:13; 15:7; 15:16; 16:23)
One friend wanted to understand how to know God's will regarding her loved one desperately in need of a medical miracle. "How do we pray according to His will? How do we know His will?" Definitely a heavy topic among many who've lost loved ones early.
Another friend suggested that God's will is never for sickness or early death, and it's our faith that fails when our loved ones don't get healed, not God.
I've circled this mountain a good number of times.
By now, after years and moments of wrestling with the question, I've come to rest soundly in the Sovereignty of God.
I sought to explain our fight for the life of my grandson, Theodore. "My prayers for his life were offered up with open hands, "I trust Your sovereignty, Lord," "
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, with my hands extended open before me, I was struck with her vehement opposition.
"I disagree! ... God is the author of life ! He doesn't will anyone be sick or die early. Satan is the one who steals, kills, and destroys!" 
While I don't disagree with the statements she made; I heard the implication in the way she expressed them.
It was clear to me that in her mind, any sickness or death is due to faulty human faith.
The slap stung.
"Why did my grandson die?" I asked her.
"That's between you and God," she replied. Then, turning to the other women, she continued
her beliefs. The way she spoke left little room for any discussion of such a tender issue.
I looked at the clock on my phone. Grateful, I turned us from conversation to a closing prayer.
"Thank you, Jesus , that you are the author and perfector of our faith. You are with us and walk with us, teaching us about you as we journey through this hard life. ..." 
I still remember the prayers I prayed the ten days leading up to the loss of Theodore. There were several distinct prayers. Every single request I lifted up to the Lord during the most traumatic stretch of days was stunningly awarded an affirmative answer. . . all but one, that our baby remain in the womb to be born to us.
I repeatedly prayed, "Lord, please keep him in! Let him live!"
I offered words from scripture over and over, believing God had given them specifically to me. "May he be mature and fully assured." (Colossians 4:12)
At the suggestion that all illness and early death is due to faith failure, I found my "sound rest" had turned to unrest, and then soul-wrestling ensued.
I tossed and turned over the question late into the night. I finally apprehended the blessing of rest around midnight, and when I woke at 5:00, scenes of the story of Abraham offering his son Isaac on the altar played in my mind in the morning darkness.
I saw Abraham, his hands open, willing to surrender his son, "concluding that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead, from which he also received him in a figurative sense." (Hebrews 11:19)
I heard the Spirit speak to my soul.
Surrender is an act of faith.
After that scene, another played: Joseph, thrown in a well, sold as a slave by his brothers. This sinful act propelled the story of Joseph's life forward into God's will. Joseph surrendered to the story and remained faithful to God.
I knew as the Holy Spirit brought me these highlight reels, that God was showing me He is pleased with our surrender. As one prone to striving, I was relieved.
He was also reminding me that He has two wills. I remember reading and discussing it with others.
God has a permissive will and a perfect will. His permissive will serves His perfect will. 
More stories played in the theatre of my mind: God's permissive will allowed all of Job's children to die, all of his riches to perish, in order for God to bring about His desire to prove Job, and further his Kingdom purposes. Job's intercession was birthed out of his persecution. Job prayed God's will.
I believe with all my heart, that God's permissive will allows people to suffer only for the good He intends to bring. Like the seed that goes into the ground and dies to bring new life, I firmly believe that any suffering or loss experienced by one of His children ultimately advances the glory of God and His Kingdom purposes in this life.
Does a lack of faith disappoint Jesus? Yes. But does our lack of faith bring us to new levels of faith as we walk with Him? I believe, YES! In some mysterious way, His plan allows for weak faith to grow while He advances His will by His sovereign power.
We need to believe beyond a doubt that when we are His children, there is rich, valuable purpose in our pain. Knowing God is a good, good Father enables us to embrace the mystery while we wait for Him to bring us into the full Light of Day.
Only God knows the glory He will bring through our patient endurance. But we are assured that we will see! We will see! (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
When we endure trials here, we can expect glory up ahead.
Just like our Savior.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2
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