The Way To Be Free From Shame

What Is Shame?


Shame is an inner voice we are born with. It’s a nagging echo that says of the self, “worthless!” or “you’re not enough.”


I haven’t met anyone that isn’t familiar with it on some level. It’s the voice that tells you to be or do something MORE than you are being or doing in order to shut it up.


Guilt And Shame Are Different.


At the writer’s conference I recently attended, Sheila Walsh gave this definition: “Guilt says, I did something wrong. Shame says, I am something wrong.


Shame As A Motivator.


To cover my shame, I aimed at being a good girl. It was priority to please my dad. I feared being reprimanded and found I was pretty good at being good at the farmer’s daughter gig. He boasted about my accomplishments and I loved it.


I also wanted to have cool jeans. You know, to win friends. Because my little-girl logic told me when I felt rejected by the girls at school, it was because I wasn’t cool enough, pretty enough, or thin enough. So I set out to attain a better bod by crash-dieting and I slathered Clearasil on my skin every night to prevent breakouts.


When hand-me-downs came into our house from a family with nicer clothes than ours, I dove in to see if there might, by chance, be a pair of the jeans I coveted.


I was one happy eighth grader when they showed up in a black trash bag — in my size. I wore my new Levi’s every single day. Until Kim inked a mark on them when I left them in my locker during gym class — to see if I washed them every night.


She called me out on it after a few days of watching the ink spot.


Ouch! Middle school stung!


High school was a little better, and especially when I finally found a boyfriend the summer before my junior year. That was the quintessential covering for the feelings of shame. I nearly forgot about them!


A few years later though, when my thoughts circled back to the way we made out in the hallway between classes, my boyfriend-covering backfired. The memory choked me with shame.


No matter how much you fix yourself up … no matter how much you accomplish … you still can have the nagging feeling.


You Can Numb The Shame


Maybe you’ve numbed out to the voice. Maybe instead of being uber sensitive to your own sense of shame, you’ve bucked it. You feel as if you’ve won the day, even if you’ve stepped on a few people on the way. You’re successful, beautiful, and you get a sense of satisfaction when you’re hipper, wealthier, or more accomplished than others … You’ve found a comfortable groove, and feel pretty good. At the height of my hairstyling career, I felt like that.


Under the surface, the nagging was still there though.


The Power Of Conscience Is Valuable


The Bible says our consciences can become seared by lies as with a branding iron. 1 Timothy 4:1-2


This searing of conscience might come as a result of joining our lives with others that have seared consciences. If we do something wrong often enough, we come to believe it’s okay. Proverbs 13:20Psalm 1:1


A seared conscience can also come from failing to forgive — when we’ve been wronged, and we don’t think we need to forgive, we might relish in gossip about what’s been done to us, enjoying the company we find in our pain and anger.


Unforgiveness might be the strongest source of a stone-cold-soul there is. It is the one condition Jesus gives to us for His forgiveness of our own sins. The implication is that when we fail to forgive, the devil gets a hold of our foot, catching us in his trap. Matthew 6:15Matthew 24:11-13Ephesians 4:26-27 NIV


So, the question we seek an answer for today is not how to feel unashamed, but how to be unashamed.


We’ve established that it’s not by doing good or becoming perfect (by the time you’re in your forties, you realize that is impossible) and it’s not by ignoring it, killing it, or “crushing it” with success.


The things I tried to do to cover my shame, the things I’ve done to suffocate it — those are all things that address shameful feelings by seeking human approval.


Over time we learn that humans can never absolve or approve us enough to free us from shame’s grip.


The Way

Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth. 2 Timothy 2:15

Only our good Father in Heaven can heal the gaping hole in our soul and soothe the ache in our heart to be whole. He alone turns shame back on the enemy where it belongs. Colossians 2:15


It’s His love that fills in the gaps left by our sin. To be unashamed, we must turn to Jesus for salvation. “Repent and believe.” Then we get to listen to His instructions and follow Him as He leads us all The Way Home.


No people-pleasing or one-upping will touch the place in our heart that needs to be filled with perfect love. Holding on to our rights only causes us to be ensnared by those who have wounded us.


There is an old hymn that summarizes The Way. Its simple words hold the answer to our quest:
“Trust and obey, for there’s no other way.”


When we stay in communion with Jesus through listening to His word and prayer, we can sort out what is good and what is evil – both in our own hearts and in this world filled with devils. Lies have the power to trap us, but the Truth will set us free.


We don’t only want to be free of shame, but we want to “come forth as gold” as Job intended to. (Job 23:10) When we stand before the throne of God to give an account for our life, we can stand unashamed because of Jesus.


We have a choice — every day — regarding what kind of reward our life will bring. The choice before us is, “Who will we seek to please?”


Will we live to please God or ourselves and other people?

Now in a large house there are not only gold and silver vessels, but also vessels of wood and of earthenware, and some to honor and some to dishonor. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work. 2 Timothy 2:20-21

We can live believing that Jesus loves us with His perfect love. We can embrace the fact that He triumphed over shame on the cross. We can choose to walk intimatley with Him, cleansing ourselves from dishonorable things, and instead doing the good works He planned for us to do. Ephesians 2:10


Do you carry a nagging sense of shame?ο»Ώ

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